Some Random Thoughts About Talking Media Heads

Posted below this entry is the transcript of my interview with Tucker Carlson. Watching the video and reading the transcript has brought to mind an imaginary scenario:

What if Tucker Carlson lost his job?

And I don't mean just lost his present job at MSNBC. What if his personal brand of antagonistic pseudo-journalism went out of style? If the crest of popularity he is currently riding changed to the dark valley that all conservative media talking heads fear more than holding hands with liberals and singing 'Kumbaya' : The taint and humiliation of lousy ratings?

All semblence of his already meager credibility gone, his sense of self headed to the confines of a cesspit. Imagine that his personal investment team, with Tucker's approval, has invested in high return /high risk ventures, with the end result, a fortune going up in a cloud of dust when those investments flop.

Like any good conservative, he doesn't believe in government healthcare assistance, so he has paid for his own premium healthcare policy out of his own pocket. But the money to pay that premium is gone. He was the breadwinner of the family, he 'brought home the bacon'. By God, he wasn't going to sponge off of a woman. No sir, a woman's place is in the home, the man's place is making money. To put it crudely, he believes in keeping a woman 'barefoot and knocked up'. His wife, of course, has the same opinion. So Tucker has the misfortune of going home to a wife that demands that he take a job, any job, just so they can get by.

But Tucker is not the only one who is down on his luck. Facing equally hard times are his buddies Rush Limbaugh and Bill O'Reilly. Every morning they meet at the local cafe for coffee. I wonder...what would their conversation be like?...

Tuck : Times are tough out there guys. For awhile I told myself that I wouldn't take a lesser paying job, but right now I'd take anything.

Bill: Don't do it, Tuck! We gave the best years of our lives, and we deserve more!

Tuck : I'm gonna have to do something. The wife's driving me nuts.

Bill: (as he shifts in his seat) Man, I've got a boil on my ass the size of a golf ball. Hurts like hell, but I can't afford to go to the doctor and get it taken care of.

Rush: Don't look at me. Since my perscription drug coverage ran out, I've gotta make my pain pills last. And I don't want to hear about your erectile dysfunction problem again either.

Bill: Wait a minute! Aren't you a compassionate conservative like me? Where's your compassion now, Mr. Selfish?

Rush: (Changing the subject) It's not fair, I tell ya. All the work, all the dedication. Now we're thrown out in the cold! And you know whose fault it is, don't ya?

Tuck and Bill together : The Liberals!

Rush : You got it. They milked the system so much that there's nothing left for us.

Tuck: Gotta go, guys. I've got an interview at McDonalds in 15 minutes. They need some burger flippers, and I sure hope I get the job. (He gets up and walks out of the cafe)

Rush: Fat chance of him getting that job. Just between you and me Bill, I already tried and they wouldn't hire me.

Bill: You want to be a burger flipper? What's wrong with you? Don't you have any pride?

Rush: Tuck's right. Times are tough, and I'd take just about anything. But I'm ready to give up.

Bill: Not me! Never! I'll starve first! And that's the truth! No spin on that, pal! This is the no spin zone! I'm Bill O'Reilly! I'm Bill O'Reilly!

Rush: (He shouts to a tall skinny waitress that is standing by the cash register, picking her nose) Waitress! Please! Give me a hand over here. Bill's lost it again! (she wipes her finger on her apron, and walks over to the table)

Bill: NO SPIN! NO SPIN! I'M BILL O'REILLY! I'M RILL O'BEILLY! (said while copious amounts of spittle fly about the room)

Waitress: Looks like he's really bad this time.

Rush: (As he tries to hold Bill down) You better get an ambulance, Ann. He's wigged out for sure.

Waitress : (Screaming as she pulls out her greasy bleached blonde hair) ANN? YOU DARE CALL ME BY THAT NAME? I TOLD YOU TO NEVER CALL ME BY THAT NAME AGAIN, YOU FAT GODLESS BASTARD! YOU AND YOUR FRIEND GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE BEFORE I CALL THE COPS!

So as Rush struggles to remove himself and Bill from the cafe, the sun sets on this imaginary scenario. So what is the moral of the story? Morals, actually.

* Choose wisely the myths you perpetuate, defend and promote.
* What goes up, must come down.
* No matter who you are, no matter your 'status', no matter how much money you make, what will you do if it all suddenly disappears?
* Those who live by lies, rudeness and excessive ego are the most selfish and fragile.

Now, back to reality. What is the likelihood of this happening to these people? About as much likelihood as them showing any compassion towards people who have already gone through it. But this is my imaginary scenario, my temporary altered reality. If mine doesn't match yours, by all means create your own.